Yes, I know it's been well over a month since I last posted. My life has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. After posting last time, I got up...and took a drive. To where you ask, well...no where exciting. I live on an island, so I went to the water, it was already dark out. I just wanted to be alone in my thoughts, and away from my house. I has just started holidays and I work from home, so the last place I wanted to be was well; in my house. So, here I was at the waters edge, crying. It should be noted, that before my hubby went to bed (to continue from the last time I posted) we were talking, we had friends over to watch a movie, and I was upset that they didn't want to go out with us later in the week, so before he went to bed he told me I was paranoid. So...back to crying at the water. I'm wracking my head, am I paranoid, am I mentally ill, am I just blowing this ALL out of proportion? I'm honestly not sure. I have a history of mental illness in my family and it taunts me, it was one of the reasons I was worried about having my daughter, I was scared that our child would be mentally ill....I know, pessimistic, but it's a valid fear. I have nearly countless cousins and aunts/uncles with mental illness.
Yeah, on with it M...jeeze. So, after sobbing and thinking and writing on here. I came home and researched about paranoia. I ended up ordering a book from Amazon about paranoia. I'm not all the way finished reading it yet, but I would say I do suffer from some paranoia. It takes a lot to admit this. As, I said before....sensitive underbelly. I feel that admitting that I am paranoid is saying - LOCK ME UP! Loonie coming through. I'm trying, and am currently documenting my paranoid episodes, so here's hoping.
Aside from my paranoia, my life has been filled with an exam...I aced! w00t! Hubby and I headed out to see a DJ two nights before my exam and had a great time. Then I went out for a girls night the night after my exam. Had a great night! Only my bestie showed up, but we still had a great time. Then....dun dun dun, I headed down the US of A to go wedding dress shopping!!! The day after black Friday, wow, what a rush. I found the dress in no time, and had a blast with my mom, sister, bestie and my other bridesmaid lets call her J.
The hubby and I have been wedding planning, like it's going out of style. It's been fairly stressful, but exciting at the same time. We've got our rings ordered, JP,photographer and catering arranged.We are also working on a Wedding Website, geeky, I know. But it makes sense for us. Now we are getting into Christmas show down. My present to my family this year is to remake a photo from long ago. It took a bit of convincing, but everyone is getting excited now.
The little one, is finally EXCITED for Christmas, she's 3 and in awe of all things Christmas...so cute :o)
That brings me to today, I'm feeling pretty blue. My birthday has got to be one of the suckiest days in the world. Dec 29th. No one wants to do anything with me. That is life, and it's my champagne birthday....which means I'm 29 on the 29th. I've always loved the number 29. So I've been looking forward to the awesomeness of this year. So, yeah nearly non of my friends can hang out with me. Makes me mad, sad, jealous and angry. I have attended all sorts of stupid birthday parties, just this year alone. *DEEP BREATHE* I'm sure I will get over it, I'm just soo pissed off right now. Makes me bitter and want to not go to other people's birthday this year. I know that's not the answer, but I don't know what else to do....it's not like I picked my stupid birthday!
Anyway, I need to get back at my day....but hopefully I will be back soon.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Another Saturday night
I can't believe this week has gone by so fast. Hallowe'en has come and gone, and so has my sisters birthday. The next feat is my mom's birthday which is next weekend, oh and an exam some time this week which I am still working out the details. But, lets get back to the week past. Monday through Thursday was absolute hell, or at least it felt like it. The last few days before holidays, always feel like an eternity. On the plus side, I finished my final unit of school on Tuesday, I wanted it done on the weekend but that didn't work out. One of my questions was to write a letter to the editor, and it just let my creativeness started to flow, and that took longer than I wanted it to. None the less, I got an A on the unit, and I'm just trying to work out with the local university to take my exam. Thursday came, my sister ended up hitting one of my d/c families cars....on her way to a funeral. Wow, what a freaking day, Friday could not come any quicker. I got to have lunch with my Hubby on Friday afternoon. I dropped the munchkin off at her grandmas and we stepped out for a loverly Japanese restaurant, I honestly can't remember the last time we got out for a lunch just the two of us. After lunch we putted around the house, then watched a few movies in bed. Today, we attempted to sleep in, my dad arrived early with coffee, and started to take apart our dryer, which has been out of commission for the last week. So, I got up and chatted and sang some french songs with my dad and munchkin. We didn't get up to much for the rest of the day, we tidy-ed the house, then went out for some brunch. After brunch we went to go looking for a new toaster. One half of our 4 slice toast has been broken for awhile, and we've been looking for a new for awhile. My hubby has a neurotic need to research everything, so he had his list narrowed down and we went to see them today. So we got home and he wanted to order them online, but the won't ship the toaster we want to Canada....go figure.
I have done super well with not gorging on Hallowe'en candy, it's been around and I've had 2 families donate cookies in the last week....not fair! As I type this the Hubby is pilfering Hallowe'en candy. So,yeah down 13 pounds now! w00t w00t! Gotta keep it up.
Hubby and I have been trying to figure out how we can make our new meal routine work for us. Apparently we are going to start prepping food on Sunday's. So, I'm going to try and see how it's goes.
I'm feeling pretty BLEH right now, my bestie is back from Mexico today. We spoke briefly on the phone, but that is all. I felt kind of rushed and hurried off the phone, hurried for? Who knows what. Hubby has fallen asleep numerous time this evening, makes me feel bleh. Of course watching what he wants, then falls asleep. So, I've tried to find a girlie movie....which there aren't any here, the sucky, ugly truth about having no cable and living off the Hubby's movies and TV shows...I need to request what I want, and we haven't had cable in so long I have no idea WTF I want to watch. So, I'm watching some Andy Warhol movie, because it's as girlie as I could find.
Hubby just woke up and is stumbling to bed....meh, whatever. I usually go to bed with him, but I just can't fake it right now. I'm tired, but the last thing I want to do is snuggle into his super warm body right now. Maybe I'm just hungry? With all the changes going on, I've also decided to quit smoking. It's pretty awesome, well mostly in the sense that my Hubby has quit and started smoking countless times and it drives me crazy. Not the smoking part, but the quitting smoking part. He's a pretty, umm, moody guy in general, and quitting smoking makes him so much worse. He claims it's me who is taking him that way. I'm not sure, I don't know that I can feel this strongly and be wrong. He also tells me that I'm too sensitive.
I have issues....but who doesn't. I began trying to sort my issues out last year, it's been a long slow haul. With my school work it's been helping me put some of my old issues out there and help recognize the strange-ness that is my life. I get that all people have strange lives, and that there is no normal. School has shown me what people, well rather children need to have a families and support. My parents have done what they could. I don't really fault them, and they are constantly trying to better my daughters life. The reality is, my mother's mom, my grandmother was mentally ill. She attempted to kill my mother and her siblings, my mother was put into the social system. Thanks to my school work, I feel that my mother is emotionally disturbed. My father ended up in jail for a short stint. Don't let that cloud your judgment about my dad, he is seriously the hardest working, sweetest, kindest hearted person I know. He was a sick child, and then became the goofball at school, he also came from a LARGE french family. He joined the navy as soon as he could, and that's how he met my mom. My mom waited for him to get out from jail, and then....enter MOI! My mom seriously didn't know what to do with a baby, my dad did, but he was super busy working his ass off...for the record he still is. He's not even 50 yet, and he works more than most people I know. Again, it's taken me since starting school to recognize that this is why I have taken to studying as hard as I could, to have more knowledge than my mother, to try and BE that better parent. I'm sure it can't be easy living with me. I'm neurotic at times, about being right, clean and striving to be better....always. I guess I should cover some more about myself growing up, we moved.....A LOT! You'd think my dad was still in the navy with how much we moved. The worst move for me personally, was our move from Ontario to British Columbia. I was 7, and my whole world got torn apart. My family moved into my aunts basement, my sister and I didn't go to school for awhile, and it was miserable. I took to crying in my aunts laundry room when I couldn't take all the stress. I don't know that anyone knows that, I was and am very secretive about being sensitive. I feel like it's not in my benefit to be sensitive, so show my weak underbelly. The sad truth is, Hubby says so too, that I am never able to meet expectations, and I am crushed when it happens time and time again. I feel so much hurt just about all of the time, it's probably the reason I'm so fat, and I feel I'm so ugly. I'm constantly amazed that my Hubby is still around and not ready to kill me or leave me. Over-achiever...that's me. The sad part is, I never see how much stuff I accomplish I never feel like - OK, here's the end. I constantly feel like I need to move. It's just grained into me I think. Even in Hubby and I's house, we've lived here for 8 years... this is the longest I have EVER EVER EVER lived in one place. I have wanted to move out of here countless times. My first reaction is to get the hell out of here. Hubby is the one who calmly reasons with me, and we figure out a work around to keep me content enough. It's hard for me, I have spent the majority of my life pushing my family away from me, mostly because I feel like they don't have the time for me, or they were pushing me away. Once I was old enough to realize I wanted out, I GTFO'd. I haven't looked back, they come to me now. I call my mom just about daily and my dad comes and brings my sister, Hubby and I coffee. Anywho, this is my life in a nut shell. I'm a freak...trying to be normal. One day I'll embrace my over-achiever, freak self. One day. When that day comes, I pray I will be happy, not that I believe in prayer anymore. Maybe I should put cynical in there too.
I have done super well with not gorging on Hallowe'en candy, it's been around and I've had 2 families donate cookies in the last week....not fair! As I type this the Hubby is pilfering Hallowe'en candy. So,yeah down 13 pounds now! w00t w00t! Gotta keep it up.
Hubby and I have been trying to figure out how we can make our new meal routine work for us. Apparently we are going to start prepping food on Sunday's. So, I'm going to try and see how it's goes.
I'm feeling pretty BLEH right now, my bestie is back from Mexico today. We spoke briefly on the phone, but that is all. I felt kind of rushed and hurried off the phone, hurried for? Who knows what. Hubby has fallen asleep numerous time this evening, makes me feel bleh. Of course watching what he wants, then falls asleep. So, I've tried to find a girlie movie....which there aren't any here, the sucky, ugly truth about having no cable and living off the Hubby's movies and TV shows...I need to request what I want, and we haven't had cable in so long I have no idea WTF I want to watch. So, I'm watching some Andy Warhol movie, because it's as girlie as I could find.
Hubby just woke up and is stumbling to bed....meh, whatever. I usually go to bed with him, but I just can't fake it right now. I'm tired, but the last thing I want to do is snuggle into his super warm body right now. Maybe I'm just hungry? With all the changes going on, I've also decided to quit smoking. It's pretty awesome, well mostly in the sense that my Hubby has quit and started smoking countless times and it drives me crazy. Not the smoking part, but the quitting smoking part. He's a pretty, umm, moody guy in general, and quitting smoking makes him so much worse. He claims it's me who is taking him that way. I'm not sure, I don't know that I can feel this strongly and be wrong. He also tells me that I'm too sensitive.
I have issues....but who doesn't. I began trying to sort my issues out last year, it's been a long slow haul. With my school work it's been helping me put some of my old issues out there and help recognize the strange-ness that is my life. I get that all people have strange lives, and that there is no normal. School has shown me what people, well rather children need to have a families and support. My parents have done what they could. I don't really fault them, and they are constantly trying to better my daughters life. The reality is, my mother's mom, my grandmother was mentally ill. She attempted to kill my mother and her siblings, my mother was put into the social system. Thanks to my school work, I feel that my mother is emotionally disturbed. My father ended up in jail for a short stint. Don't let that cloud your judgment about my dad, he is seriously the hardest working, sweetest, kindest hearted person I know. He was a sick child, and then became the goofball at school, he also came from a LARGE french family. He joined the navy as soon as he could, and that's how he met my mom. My mom waited for him to get out from jail, and then....enter MOI! My mom seriously didn't know what to do with a baby, my dad did, but he was super busy working his ass off...for the record he still is. He's not even 50 yet, and he works more than most people I know. Again, it's taken me since starting school to recognize that this is why I have taken to studying as hard as I could, to have more knowledge than my mother, to try and BE that better parent. I'm sure it can't be easy living with me. I'm neurotic at times, about being right, clean and striving to be better....always. I guess I should cover some more about myself growing up, we moved.....A LOT! You'd think my dad was still in the navy with how much we moved. The worst move for me personally, was our move from Ontario to British Columbia. I was 7, and my whole world got torn apart. My family moved into my aunts basement, my sister and I didn't go to school for awhile, and it was miserable. I took to crying in my aunts laundry room when I couldn't take all the stress. I don't know that anyone knows that, I was and am very secretive about being sensitive. I feel like it's not in my benefit to be sensitive, so show my weak underbelly. The sad truth is, Hubby says so too, that I am never able to meet expectations, and I am crushed when it happens time and time again. I feel so much hurt just about all of the time, it's probably the reason I'm so fat, and I feel I'm so ugly. I'm constantly amazed that my Hubby is still around and not ready to kill me or leave me. Over-achiever...that's me. The sad part is, I never see how much stuff I accomplish I never feel like - OK, here's the end. I constantly feel like I need to move. It's just grained into me I think. Even in Hubby and I's house, we've lived here for 8 years... this is the longest I have EVER EVER EVER lived in one place. I have wanted to move out of here countless times. My first reaction is to get the hell out of here. Hubby is the one who calmly reasons with me, and we figure out a work around to keep me content enough. It's hard for me, I have spent the majority of my life pushing my family away from me, mostly because I feel like they don't have the time for me, or they were pushing me away. Once I was old enough to realize I wanted out, I GTFO'd. I haven't looked back, they come to me now. I call my mom just about daily and my dad comes and brings my sister, Hubby and I coffee. Anywho, this is my life in a nut shell. I'm a freak...trying to be normal. One day I'll embrace my over-achiever, freak self. One day. When that day comes, I pray I will be happy, not that I believe in prayer anymore. Maybe I should put cynical in there too.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Scavenger hunt day
So, I went running with my bestie...she is now in Mexico. I will try not to utter means words about how jealous I am. :o)
I've been doing wii fit with my mom on Mon & Weds, and running with my bestie Tues & Thursday's so far the wii is telling me that I've lost 13 pounds, in 2 weeks! Yay! Except I messed up the other weekend when I was setting my 'goal' and it's telling me I need to gain 13 pounds....so I'm trying to laugh every time I see the number go up :) Yesterday was my sister's birthday, so we all got together and had her birthday dinner at a German restaurant. The food was great, but I'm sure I've gained a solid 2 pounds from dinner. We are now waiting to have a scavenger hunt for my sister's birthday event - woowhoo! I've organized it, so it should be fun.
Friday, was my sister's birthday and it was also the last day of daycare for my kids before hallowe'en. We dressed up, made spiders and then carved pumpkins!! Sooo much fun! Thursday was a loooooong day, the kids have been insane. My daughter has been coming with me to my parents to do wii fit, but that means that she is up wayyyyy later than she's supposed to be. So, she has been a disaster. Then one of my other d/c kids has been sprouting teeth and just miserable and not sleeping....making me go a little kookie! On top of this my brother-in-law has been over since Thursday....ahhhhh. Anyway enough whiny me. Today is gonna be awesome!!! Tomorrow will be trick-or-treating with my loverly daughter <3
Happy hallowe'en everyone!
I've been doing wii fit with my mom on Mon & Weds, and running with my bestie Tues & Thursday's so far the wii is telling me that I've lost 13 pounds, in 2 weeks! Yay! Except I messed up the other weekend when I was setting my 'goal' and it's telling me I need to gain 13 pounds....so I'm trying to laugh every time I see the number go up :) Yesterday was my sister's birthday, so we all got together and had her birthday dinner at a German restaurant. The food was great, but I'm sure I've gained a solid 2 pounds from dinner. We are now waiting to have a scavenger hunt for my sister's birthday event - woowhoo! I've organized it, so it should be fun.
Friday, was my sister's birthday and it was also the last day of daycare for my kids before hallowe'en. We dressed up, made spiders and then carved pumpkins!! Sooo much fun! Thursday was a loooooong day, the kids have been insane. My daughter has been coming with me to my parents to do wii fit, but that means that she is up wayyyyy later than she's supposed to be. So, she has been a disaster. Then one of my other d/c kids has been sprouting teeth and just miserable and not sleeping....making me go a little kookie! On top of this my brother-in-law has been over since Thursday....ahhhhh. Anyway enough whiny me. Today is gonna be awesome!!! Tomorrow will be trick-or-treating with my loverly daughter <3
Happy hallowe'en everyone!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I'm starting to think my holidays are tauting me more than I'd like to think
As the title says, it dawned on me yesterday that I have holidays coming up - the first week of November. Yesterday felt like hell. It poured soo hard all day that myself and the kids were just soaked anytime we went outside. I was rushing around all day I felt like my anxiety could jump out and smack someone. Anxiety about work, school work and the ever increasing pressure about weight loss and weddings.
Anywho, worked out last night with my mom, came home and had a good evening....lets go Tuesday!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Saturday, dot, dot, dot
Wow, so epic Friday....was...non-epic. On the plus side I have managed to lose 3 pounds in the last week. Oh, yeah I mentioned before wedding coming...weight loss plan is coming into effect. Lets carry on with Friday before I get too off topic.
I didn't end up doing anything special with my d/c kids. It has been a pretty busy week, and they all started to look a little haggard. We did our usual morning routine, breakfast then walk the pooch. We came back and they were content to play with puzzles and draw, this isn't normal. We did the rest of our normal day, finished lunch, started the clean up/wind down part of the day when my hubby's brother showed up for a surprise visit. Which is cool with me, the kids love him and he seems to enjoy the time he spends with them. Turns out that he was headed to a haunted house with my sister later that night. When he left to have a cigarette the kids passed out, thankfully. So I got some time to chit chat with the bro-in-law. I love the guy, very sweet, funny and kind. He's been going through a rough time, I don't go into detail, but know that he is making leaps of improvement. So hubby got home, he was surprised by the visitor at our house. We all started to talk about haunted houses, and what they are like. I told him that the last one I went to (I don't do scary stuff well - I have an overactive imagination) I told him that there was a long room with a strobe light and people grabbing at me...freaked the HELL out of me. Bro-in-law is epileptic, so we scattered to try and contact the haunted house to find out. So, after all that...yep, there were strobe lights, so it was a no go for him :*(
Bro-in-law went and talked with my sister with our little one, in the mean time....the hubby and I....digressed. We are both passionate people, and our disagreements are nasty. Anyway, bro-in-law came back and we asked him to stay with our little one while we took the pooch out for a walk. For the record, I am in my jammys with our pooch who is a Shar-pei X Pitbull.....LOVE her to pieces, but people do and will cross the street to get away from us. So, here we are arguing, walking our pooch, while I'm in my jammys. The next thing we know, we're FINALLY done arguing, we come home......2 HOURS!!!! 2 HOURS we were gone. We come home to bro-in-law sleeping and our little one playing - LOL! I got the little one teeth brushed, etc and time for bed. Me and the hubby head off to bed...our tenants are up still partying and it takes us forever to fall asleep....LAMMME.
By the time we actually get up, hubby is NOT a happy camper! He has to work all weekend, which is not common, just a sucky circumstance. So, my morning is grump, being grumpy, he begins to fume because he doesn't know where to park, and he hasn't had breakfast and he's nearly late. So, I drive him to work to help with the parking issue and to get him there on time - ya me!
I got home, brought the bro-in-law a coffee and a muffin as a thanks for watching the munchkin. We chit chat some more, and he shows us his sketch book. My bestie calls, we had a plan to meet up this morning to go see the fabric store for wedding stuff. She heads over and she's had a crap morning. She vents about that and we head out with the little one, and bro-in-law heads back home. The great news is I got wedding stuff! Ribbons for dresses and flower and some toule? Twill? I don't know what you call it. It's for decoration. We came back, bestie went home with her new man. Little one and I folded laundry then headed out on a hay ride to get our selves a pumpkin..or three :o)
I can only imagine what tomorrow holds in store for me. Hope everyone is having a rockin' Saturday night!
I didn't end up doing anything special with my d/c kids. It has been a pretty busy week, and they all started to look a little haggard. We did our usual morning routine, breakfast then walk the pooch. We came back and they were content to play with puzzles and draw, this isn't normal. We did the rest of our normal day, finished lunch, started the clean up/wind down part of the day when my hubby's brother showed up for a surprise visit. Which is cool with me, the kids love him and he seems to enjoy the time he spends with them. Turns out that he was headed to a haunted house with my sister later that night. When he left to have a cigarette the kids passed out, thankfully. So I got some time to chit chat with the bro-in-law. I love the guy, very sweet, funny and kind. He's been going through a rough time, I don't go into detail, but know that he is making leaps of improvement. So hubby got home, he was surprised by the visitor at our house. We all started to talk about haunted houses, and what they are like. I told him that the last one I went to (I don't do scary stuff well - I have an overactive imagination) I told him that there was a long room with a strobe light and people grabbing at me...freaked the HELL out of me. Bro-in-law is epileptic, so we scattered to try and contact the haunted house to find out. So, after all that...yep, there were strobe lights, so it was a no go for him :*(
Bro-in-law went and talked with my sister with our little one, in the mean time....the hubby and I....digressed. We are both passionate people, and our disagreements are nasty. Anyway, bro-in-law came back and we asked him to stay with our little one while we took the pooch out for a walk. For the record, I am in my jammys with our pooch who is a Shar-pei X Pitbull.....LOVE her to pieces, but people do and will cross the street to get away from us. So, here we are arguing, walking our pooch, while I'm in my jammys. The next thing we know, we're FINALLY done arguing, we come home......2 HOURS!!!! 2 HOURS we were gone. We come home to bro-in-law sleeping and our little one playing - LOL! I got the little one teeth brushed, etc and time for bed. Me and the hubby head off to bed...our tenants are up still partying and it takes us forever to fall asleep....LAMMME.
By the time we actually get up, hubby is NOT a happy camper! He has to work all weekend, which is not common, just a sucky circumstance. So, my morning is grump, being grumpy, he begins to fume because he doesn't know where to park, and he hasn't had breakfast and he's nearly late. So, I drive him to work to help with the parking issue and to get him there on time - ya me!
I got home, brought the bro-in-law a coffee and a muffin as a thanks for watching the munchkin. We chit chat some more, and he shows us his sketch book. My bestie calls, we had a plan to meet up this morning to go see the fabric store for wedding stuff. She heads over and she's had a crap morning. She vents about that and we head out with the little one, and bro-in-law heads back home. The great news is I got wedding stuff! Ribbons for dresses and flower and some toule? Twill? I don't know what you call it. It's for decoration. We came back, bestie went home with her new man. Little one and I folded laundry then headed out on a hay ride to get our selves a pumpkin..or three :o)
I can only imagine what tomorrow holds in store for me. Hope everyone is having a rockin' Saturday night!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday morning....surprisingly well rested
Now that I have done my intro, so-to-speak lets get on with it eh? Oh yeah, I'm Canadian, but that should be pretty clear by my 'eh' drops, hehehe.
So yesterday, was a good day I'm a care provider by day and I've been making strides to meet more care providers as it's a pretty isolating job. I got to hang out with 3 other providers yesterday. I'm sure it sounds a little silly, but this is a lady who hasn't had a co-worker, well in a year since I sold my families business. Before that - pre-baby times. Which, I guess I will get into someday, but not today....it's a good morning, we don't need to go there. So I got to hang with some like minded people, I got to ask some questions to them about one of my kids.
I some how managed to finish another unit of school on Weds, so I got my grade yesterday - I got an A!!! w00t! To be fair, I've gotten A's all through my course so far. I'm to the point where I hate mentioning it because it feels like I'm rubbing it in or trying to show I'm being great. I am working and pushing hard and I want to be as great as I can be, but I'm not used to pointing so much attention to myself. It's a thing for me...I am working on becoming an Early Childhood Educator, and it's made me dig up some of my childhood emotions (lets go with that) anywhoooo, I've noticed that whenever I have a big event...I just cram it down and don't feel I'm worth having this moment or event. Sooo, this hopefully will help me have a place where I can be proud of my grades and what I do.
So, my d/c kids have gone home and school work is done...and yesterday was Thursday so that means MOMMA TIME!!!! I took my pooch along for a nice jog/walk with my best friend. So nice, well...it rained so I was all dressed for rain and packed a towel for the dog. Weather aside, it was a great jog, we did 4 minutes walk 30 - 45 second run. I know it's not great but it's good for me, and it gives us enough time catch up and vent. My bestie wasn't available this Tuesday for our usual Tues/Thursday rendezvous, so this Thursday was extra full of content and as a special bonus a patient gave her a bottle of OUR FAVORITE WINE!! HELLO!!!! So, post exercise we each had a glass and got a little giggly and chatted some more. I ransacked her place for something to munch on, I got an orange and a mini bagel. Anyway I had to beat feet from her place to get home...the good news is she moved quite close to me - YAY!! So, it didn't take long for me to get home. I got home and my daughter woke up and wanted me to stay with her for a little while, so I did...I just can't help but want to make my muffin happy. Sang her twinkle twinkle and got to hang with my fiance. Wow, does it sound strange throwing that word around. I usually just default to hubby, as we've been together nearly 10 years, we are getting married this May....just another thing to add to my ginormous pile of things to do. Moving on, we hung out for a bit and I passed out on the couch and we made our way to bed and got up earlier than usual today. Hubby has to be at work earlier than usual right now, so why not. Now we're here.....sipping my morning coffee and writing, feeling good - hopefully it's a great day!
So yesterday, was a good day I'm a care provider by day and I've been making strides to meet more care providers as it's a pretty isolating job. I got to hang out with 3 other providers yesterday. I'm sure it sounds a little silly, but this is a lady who hasn't had a co-worker, well in a year since I sold my families business. Before that - pre-baby times. Which, I guess I will get into someday, but not today....it's a good morning, we don't need to go there. So I got to hang with some like minded people, I got to ask some questions to them about one of my kids.
I some how managed to finish another unit of school on Weds, so I got my grade yesterday - I got an A!!! w00t! To be fair, I've gotten A's all through my course so far. I'm to the point where I hate mentioning it because it feels like I'm rubbing it in or trying to show I'm being great. I am working and pushing hard and I want to be as great as I can be, but I'm not used to pointing so much attention to myself. It's a thing for me...I am working on becoming an Early Childhood Educator, and it's made me dig up some of my childhood emotions (lets go with that) anywhoooo, I've noticed that whenever I have a big event...I just cram it down and don't feel I'm worth having this moment or event. Sooo, this hopefully will help me have a place where I can be proud of my grades and what I do.
So, my d/c kids have gone home and school work is done...and yesterday was Thursday so that means MOMMA TIME!!!! I took my pooch along for a nice jog/walk with my best friend. So nice, well...it rained so I was all dressed for rain and packed a towel for the dog. Weather aside, it was a great jog, we did 4 minutes walk 30 - 45 second run. I know it's not great but it's good for me, and it gives us enough time catch up and vent. My bestie wasn't available this Tuesday for our usual Tues/Thursday rendezvous, so this Thursday was extra full of content and as a special bonus a patient gave her a bottle of OUR FAVORITE WINE!! HELLO!!!! So, post exercise we each had a glass and got a little giggly and chatted some more. I ransacked her place for something to munch on, I got an orange and a mini bagel. Anyway I had to beat feet from her place to get home...the good news is she moved quite close to me - YAY!! So, it didn't take long for me to get home. I got home and my daughter woke up and wanted me to stay with her for a little while, so I did...I just can't help but want to make my muffin happy. Sang her twinkle twinkle and got to hang with my fiance. Wow, does it sound strange throwing that word around. I usually just default to hubby, as we've been together nearly 10 years, we are getting married this May....just another thing to add to my ginormous pile of things to do. Moving on, we hung out for a bit and I passed out on the couch and we made our way to bed and got up earlier than usual today. Hubby has to be at work earlier than usual right now, so why not. Now we're here.....sipping my morning coffee and writing, feeling good - hopefully it's a great day!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
First post
This is my first post - w00t! I guess I will start with talking a little bit about myself and hopefully we can move forward from there.
So...ME. I am a woman who tries to be superwoman, or at least it feels like it. I stress TRIES, because it doesn't feel like I make the mark most of the time, but that will be another story.
In a nutshell I am
- under 30
- mother
- business woman
- student
You know when I take the time and write it down, it really does look like I am superwoman. I'm hoping to use this space to help me through my daily life. Since the birth of my daughter I have put myself on the back burner. It's time to bring momma back on the fire. As I trudge through school work, it makes me reflect about myself as a child, my child and the person I am, and the person I want to be. This is my life, it will not be glorious, but it's what I do. I am looking forward to having an outlet to let all of these feelings and thoughts out and hopefully they wont feel so dark once they are out.
So...ME. I am a woman who tries to be superwoman, or at least it feels like it. I stress TRIES, because it doesn't feel like I make the mark most of the time, but that will be another story.
In a nutshell I am
- under 30
- mother
- business woman
- student
You know when I take the time and write it down, it really does look like I am superwoman. I'm hoping to use this space to help me through my daily life. Since the birth of my daughter I have put myself on the back burner. It's time to bring momma back on the fire. As I trudge through school work, it makes me reflect about myself as a child, my child and the person I am, and the person I want to be. This is my life, it will not be glorious, but it's what I do. I am looking forward to having an outlet to let all of these feelings and thoughts out and hopefully they wont feel so dark once they are out.
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