I can't believe this week has gone by so fast. Hallowe'en has come and gone, and so has my sisters birthday. The next feat is my mom's birthday which is next weekend, oh and an exam some time this week which I am still working out the details. But, lets get back to the week past. Monday through Thursday was absolute hell, or at least it felt like it. The last few days before holidays, always feel like an eternity. On the plus side, I finished my final unit of school on Tuesday, I wanted it done on the weekend but that didn't work out. One of my questions was to write a letter to the editor, and it just let my creativeness started to flow, and that took longer than I wanted it to. None the less, I got an A on the unit, and I'm just trying to work out with the local university to take my exam. Thursday came, my sister ended up hitting one of my d/c families cars....on her way to a funeral. Wow, what a freaking day, Friday could not come any quicker. I got to have lunch with my Hubby on Friday afternoon. I dropped the munchkin off at her grandmas and we stepped out for a loverly Japanese restaurant, I honestly can't remember the last time we got out for a lunch just the two of us. After lunch we putted around the house, then watched a few movies in bed. Today, we attempted to sleep in, my dad arrived early with coffee, and started to take apart our dryer, which has been out of commission for the last week. So, I got up and chatted and sang some french songs with my dad and munchkin. We didn't get up to much for the rest of the day, we tidy-ed the house, then went out for some brunch. After brunch we went to go looking for a new toaster. One half of our 4 slice toast has been broken for awhile, and we've been looking for a new for awhile. My hubby has a neurotic need to research everything, so he had his list narrowed down and we went to see them today. So we got home and he wanted to order them online, but the won't ship the toaster we want to Canada....go figure.
I have done super well with not gorging on Hallowe'en candy, it's been around and I've had 2 families donate cookies in the last week....not fair! As I type this the Hubby is pilfering Hallowe'en candy. So,yeah down 13 pounds now! w00t w00t! Gotta keep it up.
Hubby and I have been trying to figure out how we can make our new meal routine work for us. Apparently we are going to start prepping food on Sunday's. So, I'm going to try and see how it's goes.
I'm feeling pretty BLEH right now, my bestie is back from Mexico today. We spoke briefly on the phone, but that is all. I felt kind of rushed and hurried off the phone, hurried for? Who knows what. Hubby has fallen asleep numerous time this evening, makes me feel bleh. Of course watching what he wants, then falls asleep. So, I've tried to find a girlie movie....which there aren't any here, the sucky, ugly truth about having no cable and living off the Hubby's movies and TV shows...I need to request what I want, and we haven't had cable in so long I have no idea WTF I want to watch. So, I'm watching some Andy Warhol movie, because it's as girlie as I could find.
Hubby just woke up and is stumbling to bed....meh, whatever. I usually go to bed with him, but I just can't fake it right now. I'm tired, but the last thing I want to do is snuggle into his super warm body right now. Maybe I'm just hungry? With all the changes going on, I've also decided to quit smoking. It's pretty awesome, well mostly in the sense that my Hubby has quit and started smoking countless times and it drives me crazy. Not the smoking part, but the quitting smoking part. He's a pretty, umm, moody guy in general, and quitting smoking makes him so much worse. He claims it's me who is taking him that way. I'm not sure, I don't know that I can feel this strongly and be wrong. He also tells me that I'm too sensitive.
I have issues....but who doesn't. I began trying to sort my issues out last year, it's been a long slow haul. With my school work it's been helping me put some of my old issues out there and help recognize the strange-ness that is my life. I get that all people have strange lives, and that there is no normal. School has shown me what people, well rather children need to have a families and support. My parents have done what they could. I don't really fault them, and they are constantly trying to better my daughters life. The reality is, my mother's mom, my grandmother was mentally ill. She attempted to kill my mother and her siblings, my mother was put into the social system. Thanks to my school work, I feel that my mother is emotionally disturbed. My father ended up in jail for a short stint. Don't let that cloud your judgment about my dad, he is seriously the hardest working, sweetest, kindest hearted person I know. He was a sick child, and then became the goofball at school, he also came from a LARGE french family. He joined the navy as soon as he could, and that's how he met my mom. My mom waited for him to get out from jail, and then....enter MOI! My mom seriously didn't know what to do with a baby, my dad did, but he was super busy working his ass off...for the record he still is. He's not even 50 yet, and he works more than most people I know. Again, it's taken me since starting school to recognize that this is why I have taken to studying as hard as I could, to have more knowledge than my mother, to try and BE that better parent. I'm sure it can't be easy living with me. I'm neurotic at times, about being right, clean and striving to be better....always. I guess I should cover some more about myself growing up, we moved.....A LOT! You'd think my dad was still in the navy with how much we moved. The worst move for me personally, was our move from Ontario to British Columbia. I was 7, and my whole world got torn apart. My family moved into my aunts basement, my sister and I didn't go to school for awhile, and it was miserable. I took to crying in my aunts laundry room when I couldn't take all the stress. I don't know that anyone knows that, I was and am very secretive about being sensitive. I feel like it's not in my benefit to be sensitive, so show my weak underbelly. The sad truth is, Hubby says so too, that I am never able to meet expectations, and I am crushed when it happens time and time again. I feel so much hurt just about all of the time, it's probably the reason I'm so fat, and I feel I'm so ugly. I'm constantly amazed that my Hubby is still around and not ready to kill me or leave me. Over-achiever...that's me. The sad part is, I never see how much stuff I accomplish I never feel like - OK, here's the end. I constantly feel like I need to move. It's just grained into me I think. Even in Hubby and I's house, we've lived here for 8 years... this is the longest I have EVER EVER EVER lived in one place. I have wanted to move out of here countless times. My first reaction is to get the hell out of here. Hubby is the one who calmly reasons with me, and we figure out a work around to keep me content enough. It's hard for me, I have spent the majority of my life pushing my family away from me, mostly because I feel like they don't have the time for me, or they were pushing me away. Once I was old enough to realize I wanted out, I GTFO'd. I haven't looked back, they come to me now. I call my mom just about daily and my dad comes and brings my sister, Hubby and I coffee. Anywho, this is my life in a nut shell. I'm a freak...trying to be normal. One day I'll embrace my over-achiever, freak self. One day. When that day comes, I pray I will be happy, not that I believe in prayer anymore. Maybe I should put cynical in there too.
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