So, it's been awhile

Yes, I know it's been well over a month since I last posted. My life has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. After posting last time, I got up...and took a drive. To where you ask, well...no where exciting. I live on an island, so I went to the water, it was already dark out. I just wanted to be alone in my thoughts, and away from my house. I has just started holidays and I work from home, so the last place I wanted to be was well; in my house. So, here I was at the waters edge, crying. It should be noted, that before my hubby went to bed (to continue from the last time I posted) we were talking, we had friends over to watch a movie, and I was upset that they didn't want to go out with us later in the week, so before he went to bed he told me I was paranoid. So...back to crying at the water. I'm wracking my head, am I paranoid, am I mentally ill, am I just blowing this ALL out of proportion? I'm honestly not sure. I have a history of mental illness in my family and it taunts me, it was one of the reasons I was worried about having my daughter, I was scared that our child would be mentally ill....I know, pessimistic, but it's a valid fear. I have nearly countless cousins and aunts/uncles with mental illness.
Yeah, on with it M...jeeze. So, after sobbing and thinking and writing on here. I came home and researched about paranoia. I ended up ordering a book from Amazon about paranoia. I'm not all the way finished reading it yet, but I would say I do suffer from some paranoia. It takes a lot to admit this. As, I said before....sensitive underbelly. I feel that admitting that I am paranoid is saying - LOCK ME UP! Loonie coming through. I'm trying, and am currently documenting my paranoid episodes, so here's hoping.
Aside from my paranoia, my life has been filled with an exam...I aced! w00t! Hubby and I headed out to see a DJ two nights before my exam and had a great time. Then I went out for a girls night the night after my exam. Had a great night! Only my bestie showed up, but we still had a great time. Then....dun dun dun, I headed down the US of A to go wedding dress shopping!!! The day after black Friday, wow, what a rush. I found the dress in no time, and had a blast with my mom, sister, bestie and my other bridesmaid lets call her J. 
The hubby and I have been wedding planning, like it's going out of style. It's been fairly stressful, but exciting at the same time. We've got our rings ordered, JP,photographer and catering arranged.We are also working on a Wedding Website, geeky, I know. But it makes sense for us. Now we are getting into Christmas show down. My present to my family this year is to remake a photo from long ago. It took a bit of convincing, but everyone is getting excited now. 
The little one, is finally EXCITED for Christmas, she's 3 and in awe of all things Christmas...so cute :o)
That brings me to today, I'm feeling pretty blue. My birthday has got to be one of the suckiest days in the world. Dec 29th. No one wants to do anything with me. That is life, and it's my champagne birthday....which means I'm 29 on the 29th. I've always loved the number 29. So I've been looking forward to the awesomeness of this year. So, yeah nearly non of my friends can hang out with me. Makes me mad, sad, jealous and angry. I have attended all sorts of stupid birthday parties, just this year alone. *DEEP BREATHE* I'm sure I will get over it, I'm just soo pissed off right now. Makes me bitter and want to not go to other people's birthday this year. I know that's not the answer, but I don't know what else to do....it's not like I picked my stupid birthday!
Anyway, I need to get back at my day....but hopefully I will be back soon.